MATI

ketika matamu tertutup..

aku merasa aliran darahku menyenandungkan sebuah lagu kematian..

ketika nafasmu berhenti..

disaat itu pula aku mati..

perkawinanmu dengan maut merenggut hidupku..

mengoyak jantungku..

bahkan untuk berdiri diatas kakiku pun aku tak mampu..

tubuhmu beraroma sepi..

sunyi yang mencekam, dingin..

aku tak mampu bernafas..

kau pergi menuju cahayamu..

aku disini mengecap gelap..



kenapa pergi?

kenapa mati?



bersama wangi duka aku menengadah..

aku............

diam.

april 2009,

didedikasikan untuk kematian L. Lawliet

give me a whole glass of chateau, i will sing for you..

"Who loves not wine, women, and song,
remains a fool his whole life long!"
-Johann Heinrich Voss-

kesunyian menyinari jiwaku,
membisikkan pengertian dalam sanubariku,
dan memadukannya dalam kehangatan..

kesunyian membelah jiwaku,
menerbangkanku mengarungi jagad raya,
mengantarku mendekati taman surga..

kesunyian menghentakkan kesadaranku,
betapa dunia ini tak lebih dari sebuah pengasingan..
kesunyian yang membimbingku,
menemukan warna untuk puisi-puisiku..

april 2009, ditulis dalam kesunyian..

SAJAK BUAT TUHAN

ketika aku bicara padaMu, Tuhan

kali ini bukan mau adukan dera dan derita

tak kuharap Kau berdiri di depan,

ke dahiku mengeluskan tanganMu mesra

kalau kutulis sajak ini, Tuhan

bukan lantaran rindu atau dendam pada insan

tak kuharap Kau membacanya,

sambil duduk membelakangi pelangi kala senja

karena Kau lebih tau apa rasa hatiku

dan mengerti bagaimana pikiranku

karena Kau lebih aku ketimbang aku

kalau aku menyanyi untukMu, Tuhan

bukan karena ada mimpiku yang tertunda

tak kuharap Kau mendengarnya,

sambil tersenyum seraya berdendang jua

kalau kuucap cinta bagiMu, Tuhan

bukan mau merayuMu

tak kuharap Kau membungkukkan badan,

meraih untuk merangkulku

aku hanya mau sampaikan aku menyayangiMu

layakkah aku jika kuucap cinta padaMu?

kalau aku berdoa, Tuhan

karena aku sungguh merinduMu

pantaskah aku bagiMu Tuhan?

embun..

aky ingin menjadi embun,

yang lahir dari keteduhan pagi.. 

yang belum dicemar debu yang datang bersama terbitnya mentari.. 



aku ingin menjadi embun.. 

yang tergolek anggun di pucuk daun pinus di dalam hutan.. 



aku ingin menjadi embun.. 

yang dingin menyejukkan barisan rumput di perbukitan.. 



aku ingin menjadi embun yang elok.. 

gemulai berbaring di tengah gelap dan teduhnya pagi.. 



aku ingin menjadi embun.. 

yang murni dan bening.. 

yang indah tak terperi.. 



Maret 2009, 

-the spicy alligator-

a 14-y.o. girl say that she is ready to have sex..

honestly, when i write this down, i dont know what else to write..

im a rookie on blogspot.com, just made this blog a moment ago.

so im kinda like, "what am i suppose to do?"..

i've had posted this on my web like a week ago, so basically im just copy-pasted it in here..

leave a comment, or not..

whatever..

i found something on the internet, and i found it interesting..

a 14-y.o. girl say that she is ready to have sex..


my first opinion was "what?? seriously??"

but then i chose not to judge..

so i started to look at this topic with an obejective way of thinking..

i try to walk in this girl's shoes..
then i try to walk in parent's shoes.. then i walk in my own shoes, a 20-y.o. college girl..
at that thread, i found many people (who happened to be parents with teenage kid) said something like :
-What happened to teenagers this days??
-They aren't oldest to know what they are getting themselves into.
-what?? 14 ? those kids have to be kidding...
-they really are not ready for sex
-That is absolutely crazy!!!!!
-no way!!
...and a lot of opinions that just sounds like that...


but then i found my eyes sticked on this one..
it was from a girl, a 14 years old too..
she wrote :
"I'm 14 years old. And today in high school teenagers ARE having sex. It's just what is happening. I'm proud of this couple because they are actually taking all the teens thru this journey with them. I'm 14 years old, in an amazing relationship with my best friend, M (initialized). We have talked about sex together, and decided that if our relationship carries on like we want it to, we want to be responsible with it. Were not 3 years old.. we know where babies come from. but were also not 25 and wanting a child either. I wear a promise ring showing that i am truly and deeply know that this is right. So parents, if you thinks teens having sex is from wrong parenting.. think again. It's our society, our schools, the people we as teens hang out with. My mom has always told me, she trusts me and M... But she doesn't trust our hormones.."




in my humble opinion, what that girl wrote really is true..

i mean, Why do you think we go through puberty at the age we do? To ready our bodies to bear children. Which is why we are such hormonal, and sometimes might get turned on as teenager. But it's unrealistic to think that children at this age won't seek to quench their overwhelming sexual urges. Which is why they need comprehensive education, not deluded parents screaming about how they're "too young" or "they're bad kids" or something like that. parents shall NOT judge!! We keep saying kids are growing up so fast these days but they aren't doing it alone. Our media is sexualizing children younger and younger.. making them sex objects.


im 20 years old now.. and im proud to be a virgin. its not like i think sex is disgusting, but its because im not ready yet.. i have a number of friends, they're 20-21 years old now and at the age of 18-19 they thought they were ready for sex, but after they did it with their boyfriends, they regret it like hell.. they thought they were ready, but they were not!! 

i have a 17 years old sister.. and for me, she always be my little sister.. I think that 14 years old is far too young but what we need to realize that today kids are starting to have sex at younger ages. We can't be blind to it; we need to educate them on safe sex and explain to them the reasons why waiting is a good idea.

parents shall provides some insight as to why these kids should wait; but if they still choose to do so I hope parents prepare them with as much information as possible.


Parents need to speak with their kids and take the mystery out of sex. My parents always talked about it openly so there was never the "big" talk. There was always an open dialogue. I knew how babies were born at a very early age because they wanted to be sure I had the correct information.


my mom sometimes talked about penis, vagina, babies, etc.. (in a nice polite way, not in a porn one, of course.. LOL)
and i remember my mom someday talked to me about wet dreams boys have when they reached their puberty phase..
about menstruation..
about fertility..
etc..
and that was when i was 12 or so..



i think nowadays 14 isn't that young anymore. Girls are maturing at the age of 12 & younger now. And with a mom talking her daughter OUT OF sex is just going to make her daughter sneak around and do it. so why not just give the right advice about it? 14 isn't that young anymore in our world..